Among the many celebrations, this is one of my least favourite. I’m sure I’m not alone thinking that Valentine’s Day is a dreadful day. It is wrong in so many aspects. From the couples having passive aggressive dialogues throughout the year and now posting pictures with flowers and champagne, pretending to have the perfect relationship. To the battles between single and married people competing to demonstrate who’s better off. And don’t let me start to criticize the designs regarding Valentine's Day! Hideous!
The reality is that the main relationship that we should have, and look after, is with ourselves. Therefore, this year, I decided to redefine the meaning of Valentine’s Day to self-love. It is genuine and basic. Unlike the traditional meaning of Valentine’s Day, is open to everyone, regardless of their circumstances.
Copyright: Leticia Gaidon Bradford Photography.
It means, taking this day, or this month, to think about our mental and physical health. To be aware and honest about the things we are doing wrong and to congratulate ourselves for the progress we have made so far. Being kind to ourselves is vital to avoid walking the path of anxiety and depression.
It is not unusual to feel vulnerable and exposed in situations when you grab the attention of others. Many people who pose in front of my camera have some self-doubts and/or don’t like something about themselves, including me. It doesn’t matter how you look, or how much you achieved in life, many of us are focus of what we don’t have. We are cruel with ourselves in a way that we are not with others.
Understanding our personality type, our attachment style and confronting past traumas, helps to identify how we relate with ourselves and others. Esther Perel, psychotherapist expert in relationships and sexuality, mentioned that in USA around 48% of people divorce from the first marriage, however 67% divorce from the second marriage: “This is when they realise that the problem isn’t just their partner, but with themselves”. Therefore, it is fundamental to work on us to improve our external relationships with other people.
Self-preservation is self-love
I gardening as a hobby. Many times, I see a plant wither because it is surrounded by other plants which stifle it, or it is growing in the wrong place. I believe that the same can apply to people. At times, selflove means avoiding noxious people who sap your energy and investing your time with good, genuine people who inspire and encourage you.
Finally, never compare yourself to others, especially in social media. Other people usually only show an edited fragment of their lives online. It is what they want to show us, which is usually at their best. The only touchstone is your good old self.
This Valentine’s Day, fall in love with yourself.
Bye for now.